With a Little Help from My Friends

The journey of my honesty has churned up some things in several of my friends. It certainly has in me for I am looking deeper inside at my behavior past and present. One of my dear friends, after reading my last blog, with concern in her email encouraged me to "be selfish" and accept the bounty that is mine. I am really stepping into that. I think. Another dear friend, a therapist, gave me great advice as well. I confessed my exhaustion at feeling like I am in a fight, sending emails of dismay to people and organizations I have worked with. I am fighting for respect. I am fighting for appreciation. She said, "Don't think of it as a fight. See it as being assertive." With an exhale, I got it.

I woke up this morning at 4:30am with the same email in my head, that I would soon send, someday, to the LA Mission people. After creating a Fearless Women Luncheon with celebrities, fundraising, media attention and a packed room, I didn't even get an email thankyou! So being assertive I emailed them a very strong email. In return I recieved an "I'm sorry and we will miss you, goodbye." After 20 years of contribution to them, that's what they gave me. Hmmm, very interesting.

So I embrace my sword and move on to another organization that will appreciate what I do. Ironically, now that I am being more "assertive", the phone rang all day yesterday with photography jobes and book orders. The Universe works in miraculous and amazing ways.

This afternoon, I will photograph Laura Bush and Maria Shriver at an event called "The Art of Humanity" benefiting the Grossman Burn Foundation. I have been working on a porject with Rebecca Grossman, "Stop Violence Against Women Globally." So it will be interesting to see if I can get Laura Bush to look into the video camera and say that.

Today starts Venus going into retrograde until my birthday December 20th. It's a time to go deep into feelings about reletionships and money. Interesting! I will wake up and put my "big girl pants on", meditate, pray and enter my day with calm and assertiveness. I like the new me! I am grateful for my wise friends, noticing things that I don't. I am grateful for this day, for this life, and for the bounty that is mine! Exhale...

It Good To Give...Just Don't Forget Yourself

How many women give and give and then get pissed that they don't get? I don't think I am pissed. I have just noticed, with a little help from my friends, that I give alot of my time and services to charities and great movements for the planet and don't monetize anything for myself. What is that about? I don't have the belief that I don't deserve, or do I? It's something to look at. This week, almost everything I am doing is for a charity. It's wonderful but here I am filing for bankruptcy tomorrow. What's up with that, I ask myself? I am in the midst of deep questioning. I know the answers but don't know the questions. It's an interesting place to be.

I had a meeting with three women friends, one of them new and two old friends. We got together to brainstorm on the Fearless Women concept and how to monetize. We ate sumptuous soup that Joe made and shared our insights about life. A couple hours into our meeting I took a deep breath and shared about our financial troubles and that we were filing bankruptcy this week. It was a relief to be open and honest about my life. The shocker was to hear that all three of them had filed bankruptcy at some point. Honest sharing opens the doors for others to come clean. It brought us all so much closer. The shame and secrecy left the room after the box was opened. Life is amazing!

I woke up churned up about my disappointment about my Fearless Luncheon at the LA Mission. I know I have to write them a very firm email about their ungrateful behavior towards me. The only email I received from them six weeks after the event fundraiser Id did for them is a complaint on how badly the event planer behaved and how little money they made. Looking at my behavior, how could I have made the experience different. Why did I draw this into me. I don't know. I have so much of my own stuff going on right now. I bring this up because this post is about charity. Oh dear, I am boring my self right now.

So today, I am tying up loose ends with a couple people I have issues with and then focusing on my profitable projects. I was reminded by the sun coming up over the hill this morning in all her glory, to stop and take notice of natures visual poetry. I live for that and I am grateful.