How many women give and give and then get pissed that they don't get? I don't think I am pissed. I have just noticed, with a little help from my friends, that I give alot of my time and services to charities and great movements for the planet and don't monetize anything for myself. What is that about? I don't have the belief that I don't deserve, or do I? It's something to look at. This week, almost everything I am doing is for a charity. It's wonderful but here I am filing for bankruptcy tomorrow. What's up with that, I ask myself? I am in the midst of deep questioning. I know the answers but don't know the questions. It's an interesting place to be.
I had a meeting with three women friends, one of them new and two old friends. We got together to brainstorm on the Fearless Women concept and how to monetize. We ate sumptuous soup that Joe made and shared our insights about life. A couple hours into our meeting I took a deep breath and shared about our financial troubles and that we were filing bankruptcy this week. It was a relief to be open and honest about my life. The shocker was to hear that all three of them had filed bankruptcy at some point. Honest sharing opens the doors for others to come clean. It brought us all so much closer. The shame and secrecy left the room after the box was opened. Life is amazing!
I woke up churned up about my disappointment about my Fearless Luncheon at the LA Mission. I know I have to write them a very firm email about their ungrateful behavior towards me. The only email I received from them six weeks after the event fundraiser Id did for them is a complaint on how badly the event planer behaved and how little money they made. Looking at my behavior, how could I have made the experience different. Why did I draw this into me. I don't know. I have so much of my own stuff going on right now. I bring this up because this post is about charity. Oh dear, I am boring my self right now.
So today, I am tying up loose ends with a couple people I have issues with and then focusing on my profitable projects. I was reminded by the sun coming up over the hill this morning in all her glory, to stop and take notice of natures visual poetry. I live for that and I am grateful.
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