Changing My Thoughts

If you want to know what your thoughts are, look at your life! That's what I read this morning. So I set out to make conscious change. I am not going to feel guilty about our financial struggles and say that we deserve it because we have a poverty mentality. Let's get real. Shit happens. I take responsibility for perhaps some misguided discisions but I am not about to beat myself up. Joe woke up looking a bit sad, as he usually does. So I read him the phrase of the day and said, "Okay, let's get our shoes on and go for a walk before it gets too hot." I think it's the first step in changing consciousness, no pun intended.

The other part of the writings from this morning is to do internal work and reach out to community. So that's what I will do. We don't have to do this journey alone. We need to record all of this challenge and transformation and I feel stuck with the idea of not having the perfect video camera. Even though I can do it on my Canon 5D, I haven't done it yet. Probably still stuck in shame, not to mention perhaps feeling like I will look too old, fat and pathetic. Oh, we poor humans.

So Joe is on the phone talking to a lawyer about bankruptcy. It may the best thing to do. As our friends said at dinner, "it will be such a relief." They went through it years ago. This is all such an interesting process and I truly don't feel like a failure, at least not at this moment, So it's finding how we can live our journey and keep on our mission and keep balanced.

So here I go on my day with my head held high, taking a deep breathe of courage into my full body. I know that planet earth is a school and everything we go through is part of the lessons to be learned. If I lost (I chose to say let go) of everything, I would still be so abundant. My thoughts are filled with gratitude for all we have and all we are. I am fearlessly grateful.