My Butterfly Pajamas

I have to admit, I have slow entry into life in the morning. I love lounging in my orange butterfly pajamas, sipping my English Breakfast tea, gazing out my window at the jacaranda tree. LA has the most stunning weather. I don't care what people say about this city, I appreciate it's palm tree, Hollywood, blue sky (slightly brown at times) beauty.

The challenge of course living here is feeling compelled to do the dance of posturing and pretending that we are abundantly wealthy. The truth is, most of us have maxed out on our credit cards, leasing cars way too expensive for our budget and just in general, talking a good game. I'm pretty tired of it. I do it myself. "How are you?' I am actually getting to hate that question. I always answer something very positive, "Fabulous...we are doing great!" Moments of that are true but overall I just want to scream, "I am exhausted from the fight and I am not feeling fearless today!" You know that no one wants to know the truth. It's too frightening for them to hear as it makes them think about their own challenges. Oh, we poor humans!

Then there is the new thought, new age community...bless our positive little hearts, insisting that we must watch our thoughts. What you think and what you say will manifest. I understand the concept but let's get real, sometimes you just have to tell the truth and surrender. Anyway, I am just not feeling fearless today. I'm tired and cranky and I feel fat. I know there is something I need to get done. I just don't know what it is. I think there is a list of "to do's" hiding from me somewhere. Isn't it possible to just take it easy. No not for me. I have do create or it's a good self flogging.

I spoke at a women's gathering last night. It was appropriately called, "Fearless Women." After illustrious and ceremonial introductions, three fearless women took turns talking about their life journey's. I was the caboose. No illustrious intro for me, "Here's our own Mary Ann to wrap up the evening. What's the name of your book, Mary Ann?." Women were running out of the room to pee after imbibing in bottles of water and finger food. Yes, I felt the dragon of my ego lift it's heavy head. I talked about my journey creating my books, "Fearless Women." I was supposed to have only 5 minutes but I don't know how long I spoke not much longer. Towards the end I felt I was not telling the whole truth. I don't think I am quite ready to say it. The "it" will be spoken soon, when I'm ready.

I heard a phrase today that really took my breath away, "Fear let's me know when I'm on the brink of something incredible."
Well, yes...I know I am on the brink. I better get out of my pajamas to welcome that something incredible that's coming!
Okay, Yes...I am grateful!